Carpe
diem. Seize the day, for we die tomorrow. This is probably one of the most used
motifs in our vocabulary today. Many people use this as an excuse to do
something they have always wanted. A wise man once quote "I was seldom
able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one" and, as most of
us are aware, he was and is not alone. How many times do we kick ourselves for
not buying something when it was on sale? Or miss out on a great play or movie
that leaves town before we get a chance to see it? We don’t realize what we
missed until it has already passed us by.
They
say that life comes down to a few great moments. Often the key points of our
lives pass by with stealth, leaving us to chase at shadows. We are left to
question and evaluate the ebb and flow, the surges and phases of our existence.
The times we felt lost. Times of love, despair, and sorrow. Events that made
time stand on end. Events that made a minute seem like an hour and an hour
seems like a week. There are moments which impact us directly, voyeuristic
moments we observe while they are acted out by others, and moments which we
only deem as significant years after the fact. Time flows like a river and we
cannot hold off its effects for very long as it is constantly moving.
Have you ever had a moment in your life where
you knew nothing will ever be the same again, a moment in your life where you
realized, discovered, learned, or became something new? Everyone has one of
these moments, for some more unique then others. I knew exactly when my life changing
moment was going to be but didn’t know exactly how I would react.
Life
is a made up of a collection of moments. Some people say that one must learn
from obstacles that everyone struggles with. Some people say that every
challenge helps to achieve strength of character and self-growth. The most
significant change in my life was my grandfather’s battle with cancer. Even
though it was a very hurtful experience that has drastically affected both me
and my family, it helped me know myself better as a person, realize that I can
appreciate God’s gift of life and good health and understand what an
inspiration my grandfather was to me and how much love he has given me over the
years.
Whenever
my grandfather was home, everything was special and different. Since he was the
one who maintained the family’s serenity, there was nothing to argue about when
she was present. For instance, when I was a teenager, my dad always pushed me a
step harder and tried to create his idea of a social life for me, which was
noticeably slowly placing me in depression moods. My grandfather on the other
hand always calmed me down about it, and tried to explain to me the meaning
behind fatherhood, and that no matter what he says or does, it’s always for my
best and I should cherish him for that. Down through the years and as time
evolved, I remembered my grandfather’s words of wisdom and love as I watched my
dad’s heart break every time he saw his father in pain.
As I
watched my grandfather fight his battle with patience and a big smile, I
realized that even in his weakest moments, he was still our source of love and
strength. He helped me understand that it’s in life’s toughest times that you
are the strongest, and that by little faith, hope and patience, you will
overcome it. He made me value family and strong bonds and brought me to
appreciate the little moments and believe in miracles. Even though it was
difficult at the beginning, I found out that I was capable of doing anything I
wanted as long as I persisted in doing it. Ironically, it was my grandfather’s
pain that made me a better person today. Needless to say, he was my hero.
Now
looking back at my childhood, and remembering how lucky I had him in my life.
He inspired me to be who I am today. I called him Dada, it’s Hindi for
grandfather, or Tok Dad. He was a merchant from Pakistan who fell in love with a local
Taiwanese girl when he visited Malaysia. He has curly locks of brown hair which
accentuate his grey eyes. Making it shine like a star in the midnight sky. He
was a tall man, towering us at 6 feet. I used to feel so small and protected
standing beside him. He was a man of courage and wisdom. Some of my fondest
memories with him are on the piano. He was the one who taught me how to play
it. One of his favourite quotes were “Music is a language with no barriers”. I
can still remember the first song he thought me when I was 5 years old. It’s
called ‘A Time for Love’. Till today, I can play that song by heart and whenever
I play it, I’ll think of him. He lives in every note; every key brings out a
precious memory. We would have late night piano sessions as music and laughter
filled the air. From the laughter we had on the piano to the fights we have on
who is going to play first. He always knows how to put a smile on my face. He and I have a special bond as he was the person who named me. He chose the name
Sara Alyssa because Sara means happiness and Alyssa means Protected by Allah in
Arabic. I am the only grandchild that has his dimples and his character, so he
lives within me.
As
the cancer spread, he grew weaker. He couldn’t control his arms and limbs. He
couldn’t play the piano anymore. There are times during his final days where he
asked me to play the piano for him. He said it’ll help him as it sooth the pain
away. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I played because I knew those were going
to be one of my last time, last moments I’ll get to spend with him. He was my
strength and I was his soul, I grasped his hand and he never let go whenever I
needed him. He always tells me that we must live every moment like it was our
last and appreciate every time that we have with the ones we love.
The
day he left us, heaven has received another angel, another star was born in the
night sky; his life has become a loving memory. As my life goes on, I will
treasure the memories I have of him. Till today I still can’t believe that he
is gone. He was there for me a lot. He will always hold a place in my heart; a
loving treasured spot. He was really one in a million. A cut above the rest.
Everyone would agree that he simply were the best. He painted our lives with
laughter and wipe away our tears. So I never could say goodbye. I love and miss
you with all my heart and soul. I miss your smile and I still shed a tear every once in
a while whenever I think of you. Even though things are different now; I still feel that you are still
here somehow. I know you will never be far as you will be watching over me. But
as long as I have my loving memories with you, I know we will never be too far
apart as you’ll always be in my heart.
Rest in peace dear Tok Dad,
 |
| Some of my joyous moments with you. |
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